


The Dash

by Reneeyanceywriter



Category: Unspecified Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, My fic, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-09-02 08:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reneeyanceywriter/pseuds/Reneeyanceywriter
Summary: Keith is a loner. Has been for years. Can Carri bring him out of his shell?





	1. A Start

"Our lifes are made up by the dash between our birthdate and death date." He can't recall who said it but it had been resonating with him lately. That little dash. Seperation between beginning and end. What was he doing with it? And was it enough to make up for? No! He wasn't going there. Not today.

It was hard enough making himself go to this party. But his thirtieth birthday is approaching and he knows it is time. He can't live the rest of his life with just work and home. Between the factory and this tiny little apartment.

And he will know everyone there. That will help. It is a work party after all. A celebration of the 4th. He can handle an hour or so of hotdogs, hamburgers, and casual conversation.

"It is a start." He firmly tells himself as he pulls on a t-shirt and runs a brush over his brown curles. Taking a deep steading breath, he walks out the door.

"Do my eyes deceive me or is that really Keith?" Charlie calls out. He is manning one of the grills and stops in the middle of flipping a burger when he sees his buddy.

"It is me."

"Well, bless my soul; it is a miracle."

Keith, shrugging uncomfortably, makes his way over to him through the tables laden with sides dishes and his, suddenly gawking co-workers.

"You have been here eight years."

"Nine."

"My bad, nine. Nine years and this is the first time I have seen you outside of work."

"Not true. Remember that time at Wal-mart?"

"Oh right," he returns to flipping burgers," that was what..had to be three years ago."

"Yah."

"Haven't seen you there sense."

Keith doesn't want to tell him that he hadn't been back sense. That it was easier to avoid people ordering the little he needs through Amazon and have it delivered. 

"Well." He shrugs, uncomfortable again. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

And he can't tell her, Charlie, or the others that were interested in why the factory recluse was out; no not the real answer. So he gave a partial one.

And he can't tell her, Charlie, or the others that were interested in why the factory recluse was out; no not the real answer. So he gave a partial one.

"I thought it was time."

Charlie belly laughs and slaps him on the back. "Time alright. After nine years. Want a burger."

He did. He ate and listened to the conversations going on around him. He only joined in when pulled in. It was a bit easier that way. Still, it is with great relief, that he heads home two hours later.

"A start." He reminds himself as he collapses across his bed, letting his shoes drop to the floor. He relaxes breathing in the quiet of his apartment. He is soon asleep. He dreams of the past.


	2. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmares brings back the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Childhood trauma and PTSD trigger warning.

Smoke, heavy and thick, wakes him. He is paralyzed at first. Unable to move. The smoke thickens, it's arid taste slimy in his mouth. Against his skin. The heat follows. A living thing, oppressive and overwhelming.

"Fire!" His brain slowly wakes to the realisation. He must get out. He hits the floor on his belly crawling towatd the door. He touches it with his hand and jerks away. Hot! No escape that way. He crawls back to towards the bed and the window behind it. He is on the secound story and terrified off heights. But more terrified of the heat and fire right outside his door. He pulls it open and sticks his head out gasping with relief at the clean air.

"Help! Help! Fire!" He shouts as loud as his five year old lungs will allow.

He yells for what seem hours but, finds out later was but ten minutes. The longest ten minutes of his life.

"Oh my! Keith are you okay?" His neighbor, Mr. Quigley asks. And even in the midst of his terror, he must roll his eye at that. Adults can ask the stupidest questions.

"No. The fire it's," he looks back and loses the last of his hold on himself," oh Mr. Quigley it is in the room with me!"

"Oh Christ," softly said followed by," you must jump. I will catch you."

Mr. Quigley is not the must athletic type but beggers surely can't be choosers. He takes a deep breath and jumps. Mr Quigley does catch him, to their mutual shock, with a soft "ompf".

"The firetrucks are on their way." He assures him after a quick examination to check for burns. The child's breathing is labored. He will have to be checked for smoke inhalation.

"My foster brothers and sister. My foster parents. Did they?" He looks wildly around for them and Mr. Quigley starts. He knew that the Smith's keep foster children. But he couldn't say how many. And no one else had exited the now, fully engulfed house.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph." He whispers pulling the weeping boy close to him as he hears the first sirens approach.

"How many son?" The nice firefighter asks him as he sits in the back of the ambulance( which he still calls a hospital truck).

"I..don't know the counting. I can't.." He shudders. He can't remember. Names yes. And he can count. Right? The firefighter would have to be able to count."Jim, Dave, TJ and Angela. And Mother and Dad Smith. That is what they wanted us to call them."

"You did good. Now this nice paramedic is going to give you something to help you breath."

Keith nods and then says, "You will get them right?"

"We will try."

He awakes covered in sweat. He can taste the smoke, the fire in his lungs. The cold, odd feel of the oxygen. Can see the look in the firefighter's eye right before he had turned away. A look of hopelessness his face outlined by the fire that took the lives of his foster siblings and parents.

"Just a dream," his voice is hoarse like he truly had been back at the fire. He reaches for the water glass beside his bed and gulps down must of it. "Just a dream." But real enough for all that. The newspapers had called his survival a miracle. It hasn't felt like one. All he felt was guilt. He hadn't been able to save them. None of them. The children that felt like his own true brothers and sister. Or the man and woman that had taken them in. He sighs and gets up to shower the sweat off. He knows there will be no more sleep for him tonight.


	3. Carri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith has a visiter. A much needed ear.

It was Keith's plan to stay in that day. Alone. He is off work for the 4th and after revisiting the fire that changed his life the previous night, he feels the need to kinda shelter in place today.

He is in the middle of binge watching ' How ir is Made' when there is a knock on the door. He jumps. No one comes by. He can't even remember when he had a visitor. He pauses the TV and approaches the door like he would a snake. With extreme caution and a healthy respect for possible danger. Venomous or not, snakes scared him. As does unexpected visitors.

"Who is it?" He calls out before disengaging the lock.

"It is Carri. You know from work?"

Carri. He knows her. A tiny little lady with hair a bit darker then his own. Her's is straight and falls just a bit bellow her neck. Glasses cover her soft brown eyes. A sweet enough woman that he has passed maybe a dozen words with.

He opens the door. She stands with her hands clasped tight on her purse. And it hits him. She is nervous too. But why is she here?

"Ahhh Carri. Would you---like to come in?" He tries to recall his seldom used hospitality.

"Yes. Thank you."

She enters ahead of him. He follows her in and shuts and reengages the lock. He sees her flinch at the sound. What is this?

"It is just a safety precaution. I am not locking you in." He tells her.

"Yes. Of course." She just stands there. What now?

"Ahh drinks. I mean would you like something to drink? I don't keep alcohol but have tea, coffee, water, or juice." He feels like he is reciting the appropriate lines. The whole situation feels unreal. How long has it been since he had someone here?

"No. But thank you. I am fine."

"Would you like to have a seat?" He gestures to the couch or the recliner.

"Thanks," she chooses the recliner and sits perched at the edge of it. Like she is prepared to flee.

"Carri it was, errr is nice you stopped by. I have very few visitors."

"And are hardly ever seen outside of work."

"That too."

"We were all surprised to see you yesterday."

"Yes I just.." He trails off and shrugs. He has no idea how to finish.

"It is why I am here. I..well I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know we don't talk a lot at work but..I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"That is so sweet. I am.." And he can't do it. Can't say the socially acceptable ' fine'. Because he isn't. "I am not doing so well actually."

"Anything I can help with? That you want to talk with me about?"

Does he? Is that the reason he went to the picnic yesterday? So he could start to open up about his past? "I had a bad dream, no to mild. I had a nightmare last night."

"I am sorry," she moves over to the couch, instinctively drawing nearer.

"It was about my past. I was a foster child. There was a fire in my fosterparent's house. I was the only one who made it out." His voice cracks and he is crying. He feels her soft hands on his. She just holds his hands. She doesn't speak but her presence, her touch is enough. He weeps for himself. For the little lost boy he was. For his foster siblings. For Angela, the only person close to a sister he had ever had. For TJ who was but two at the time of the fire. For them all.

When he is done, she gently squeezes his hands and gets up. She makes her way to the kitchen and he hears her rattling around. He is to exhausted to have the energy to investigate what she is doing.

She soon returns with two cups of tea. "It is camomile with honey. It is soothing to the body and spirit."

"Thank you. I didn't.."

"Hush. You needed too. Grief comes in waves. And can sometimes pull you into the deep if no one is there to grasp you hand. I am glad I was here."

"Me too."

He sips the tea. It does help. But her quiet presence helps more. She just sips her own tea and sits in the quiet with him. It is exactly what he needs.

"Carri ahh..my past. It is not known at work. I would like to keep it that way. If you wouldn't mind."

"Your past. Yours to tell or not. I won't break your confidence."

"Thank you. I don't know what made me open up or even why you are here. No offense. I am glad you are. Just.."

"I think the answer to both is the same. I felt a pull to come see you. Something I have never done in my life. I don't go to man's houses I barely know. And I think you felt the same pull to tell me. That you needed to tell someone."

"I did. I haven't talked to anyone about this since I stopped going to counseling when I was eighteen."

"Why did you stop going?"

"Well after thirteen years, I was therapied out." 

She jerks suprised at this. "Thirteen years?"

"Yes. Being in foster care and experiencing a tramatic event, well; they keep you in there. When I reached the age of maturity, I was allowed to finally decide for myself."

She nods. She still sits beside him and with the tea finished has nothing to do with her hands. She places them on her lap and looks up to him. "How often do you have the nightmares?"

"Ahh not often." But he turns away from her earnest glance.He hears a sigh before he feels her soft fingers on his face. He turns back to her shocked.

"I know I have no right to honesty from you," she says still holding his face gently, "we barely know each other. But I think you need to be honest with yourself."

"Once a month or so." His voice is no more than a whisper. "It has gotten worse lately. The anniversary.." He shudders and swallows.

"When?" She is also whispering. It seem like a sacrilege to speak above that and disturb the ghosts in the room.

"July 15th."

"What do you do? Is there a ritual?"

"I visit their graves. And then come back here and curl up in a ball and ignore the world."

"Do you want some company?"

"You would..? No it is to much."

"I am your friend. I feel today bonded us as friends. Do you agree?"

"Yes." God how long has it been since he had a friend?

"This is what friends do for each other. Do you want company?"

"I won't be good company." He smiles a bit when he sees her roll her eyes. "Yes please Carri. I would love company."

"Good. I am going to give you my phone number. If you have another nightmare, call me. No matter the hour." Seeing him about to shake the head she still holds, she adds," friends. I guarantee you will have a chance to help me the same way."

"Arguing is a waste isn't it?"

"Now you are learning." She drops her hand and reaches into her purse. She pulls out a small pad and pen. She jots down her number, tears it off and gives it to him. She then hands him the pad and pen. He gives her a questioning look.

"I don't answer the phone for just anyone."

"Oh." He flushes as he writes his number out. How long has it been since he has given his number to a woman, even as a friend?

"Good. I mean it Keith. Call."

"You will come here?"

"If that is what you need. Or just talk to you until you are calm."

"Thank you. I...ahhh...thanks."

"Frienda. You are welcome." She surprises him by reaching out and giving him a quick hug. Touch. Oh how he craves touch. Not even sexual. Just touch. He clings to her until he feels awkward. "It is okay Keith. I get it. I am going but am just a phone call away. See you Monday if not before."

He nods to choked up to speak. He gets up and lets her out and then watches as she walks out the outer door. Carri. His friend.


	4. Bullying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carri's past comes back.

She knew to expect them. The memories. The both night time and day time dreams. After talking with Keith about his experience, so much worse then anything she went through. I mean. What is a little bullying.

It really was nothing comparatively. Still, they have her tummy twisted up, those memories. The kind she had spent years trying to block out.

"Don't touch her. You will get cooties."

"Don't ya know. Carri's clothes are all used."

"I heard her mom don't even know who her dad is."

"Well I heard she has to work to help her mom pay the bills.

"And her mom sewed the levi tag on generic jeans.

"Teacher's pet."

"Goody two shoes."

"Carri's got lice."

"Carri lives on welfare."

"Yuck. Don't sit with her. She is a free lunch kid."

"Enough!" She shouts it outloud . It took a lot. Years before she outgrew and got past the yucky Carri label. She works hard. Is buying her own house. Volunteers now in some of the places she and her mom used to have to go. But still, that scared, scarred, greasy haired little girl was still inside her.

"I am sorry. But we are better now." She tells her," we are in a good place and going to help a good man."

She takes a deep breath and gets out her journal. Writing helps. After she got some of the poison out, she takes a hot bath and is able to sleep.


	5. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Carri catch each other up.

"How was the rest of your weekend?" Keith asks Carri as they sit eating lunch at work.

"Had a bit of troubled thoughts. Memories."

"Oh" he hadn't thought but he should have. There had to be a reason she was the one that came to him, that he opened up too. "Who?"

"A whole bunch of people. When you grow up with a single mom, glasses, and poor, a lot of people throw stones." She strugs as if to get out from under the pile of memories 

"I am so sorry Carri. I didn't.."

"Hush. I don't regret talking to you, listening to you. It just brought some stuff up."

"Do you want to ralk about it later? You listened to me and that is what friends are for."

"Thanks. I would like that."

"Your place or mine." He hears how that sounds and blushes.

"You want to see mine? It ain't much but.."

"I would love to. I will get some take-out and meet you there at?"

"Six. My adress is." She gives it to him and he writes it down just as the bell summons them back to work.

"So you and Carri, huh?" Charlie teases when Keith back at their machine.

"We are just friends."

"Uh huh."

"We are."

"Okay Carri, you can do this." She gives herself a prep talk as she picks up, straightens and returns magazines on her coffee table. Her small house is clean. It stays that way with her living alone. She just straightens a few things up when she got home after changing into comfortable clothes.

It wasn't that she never had visitors. Her mom comes once a week. She has friends that come by. But they are all female. She can't recall the last time she had a guy over. Even as a friend like Keith is.

He rings her doorbell at 6:05. She takes a deep breath breathing in the smell of the Chinese he holds as she opens the door.

"I have seen you bring it for lunch so.." He shrugs. She smiles opening her door wider.

"It is perfect. Come in Keith."

He follows her in and she leads him through the living room into the kitchen. He places the bags on the table, as directed.

"Let me give you a quick tour and we can eat." He nods and follows her. "The living room. The bathroom. Ahhh my room."

She opens the door with a blush. It is the room of a book worm. Two book shelves line the back wall. They overflow with books. There is also several by her bed on the night stand. Her bed is neatly made with a white chenille spread.

"It is you." Keith says with a grin.

"Thanks. Ready for supper?"

They pass the containers across the small table. They talk of work as they eat. Their respective jobs. Their co-workers. It is a nice time of ease. She knows she will open up to him but enjoys the easy conversation as they eat.

"Want to come into the living room?" She offers when they finish.

"Sure."

He waits in the seat beside the couch. She sits with her knees up against her chest watching him, watching her. He is patient knowing how hard it is to get started talking about the past.

"I was five when I got my first pair of glasses. I was already the weird child. I had learned to read before I started school. That and my mom being single well it made me a strange little girl. Add the glasses and the fact I was a free lunch kid and painfully shy. It started the way you would expect. Four eyes and the like. But as I got older and the stories came out about why my father was absent, well." She stops swallows and looks at her knees, dropping eye contact," I was conceived in rape. But in the small town I grew up in this made my mom a whore and myself a whore in training. Even at nine and ten. We were also very poor. The whole town knew we were on food stamps, that my well child check-ups were at the free clinic, that my clothes came from thrift shops. My mom worked very hard. But it was just her. When I turned sixteen, I went to work to help. Then I became four eyed, lice, filled, thrift shop, daughter of the town whore, that now smelled of grease. I retreated into books. They were my only friends. I graduated in the top ten percent of my class. But , it didn't matter, I was still dirty Carri. It is why I moved. And,after a while, was able to move my mom down here too."

"I am so sorry Carri."

She slowly lets her knees relax letting them fall to the couch. She lets out her breath and wipes her eyes were unshed tears had gathered. "Thank you. It took me a long time to trust anyone outside my nom. I slowly found some good friends outside of books. But I have never had a boyfriend. As a boyfriend or a friend that is male. You will be the first in that second category."

"I am honored. Thank you cor both listening and letting me listen."

"Thank you for the same."


	6. A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Carri join Charlie and Susanna for a night out.

Life continues. It always does. So Keith continues to show up for work, on time, as he had for the last nine years. But something had changed. He has a friend. A real friend for the first time in forever. 

Carri joins him for lunch everyday. They don't discuss anything personal. Mainly the talk of work, the weather, and local news. But it is such a relief to have someone to even talk small talk with. 

And over the next few weeks, Charlie and his on and off girlfriend Suzanne joins their small group. It is the start of a community. A chosen family.

"Hey Keith Suzanne and I are going out tonight. Would you and Carri like to join us?" Charlie asks on a Friday.

"Uhhh I don't drink."

"Neither do I." Carri adds.

"Great then you can be or designated drivers. There is a new band playing at the Legion tonight. You guys can just go to listen to the music. Maybe dance."

Keith turns to look at Carri. "What do you think?"

"I haven't had a night out in forever. It could be fun."

"Great. Meet here and drive in together at say seven?"

"Okay." Keith feels a little nervous. But he recalls his promise to himself to do more with his life. He can't do that staying home every Friday.

The dance before taking their seats. 

"You guys looked good out there." Charlie says when they rejoin them.

"Thank you. We really didn't know what we were doing." Carri confesses.

"Well you couldn't tell it." Suzanne says. "Hey Charlie, my man, let's go see what they have for karoake."

"I am not singing." But he follows her towards the stage.

"I bet he ends up singing." Keith says with a laugh.

"Oh definitely."

"Can I get y'all something?" The waitress asks.

"Two cokes please." Keaith says," and a large order of onion rings."

"Be right back."

"She wasn't happy." Carri notes.

"Right. You were going to tell me something.."

"Yes. The reason I don't drink. The reason I was in foster care. My mom did. A lot. To the point she forgot she had a son. I was left at the store. In a buggy. I was eighteen months old. That is when social services first got involved. She sobered up, for a time, they tell me. But the pull was just too strong."

"I am sorry." She moves across the bench seat and puts her arm around him," and your dad."

"Known only to God. My mom sure couldn't remember who he is."

"Here you go." The waitress returns and drops the cokes and onion rings before them. Keith pays her and she leaves.

"That.."

"Is the past. Hey. Look, we were right." He points to the stage where Suzanne and a very nervous looking Charlie are preparing to sing.

"O my goodness." The share the plate of onion rings as their friends stumble through a passable rendition of Jack and Diane.

"That was the single most terrifying thing I have ever done." Charlie says," I need a drink."

"That was so much fun. Wanna go again?"

He shots her a look and flags down the waitress.

"That was much more fun then expected." Keith says as he drives Carri home.

"It really was.. I can't believe Suzanne got him on stage again. She sure has persuasive powers."

"Yes, that and alcohol."

"Right. Would you like to come in?"

"Thank you but it is really late. I will walk you to your door through."

"I did too."

They stand awkwardly on her front porch. Neither are sure how to end it. Finally Carri reaches up and hugs him.

"Good night Keith."

He hugs her back. "Good night Carri."


	7. I Should Have Kissed Her. I Should Have Kissed Him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Carri have regrets.

"Know what?" Keith thinks later that night. He lays awake staring at the ceiling. Just friends was getting complicated. The dancing, even as bad as they were at it, had changed things. When he walked her to her door, he had wanted to kiss her. But they were friends, right? Just friends. He sighs and turns over on the bed, punching the pillow as it was what was keeping him awake. 

"Did she want the same? Or was the hug a way to distract me from what she must have seen in my eyes?" He whispers aloud. "Or to distract her from what she wants to. And in that case, do we pursue it? Or run from it."

Across town...

"I wanted a good night kiss. I really did. Oh so stupid. He is my friend. My skittish, injured, recovering friend." She thinks as she flops over on her belly with a sigh. "I need to accept the friendship and not except anything more."

"And yet, he seemed to be yearning for the same thing. Or is rhat me wishful thinking? I wish I had more experience." She thinks.

"I will have to talk to her."

"I need to talk to him."

"Keith?"

"Carri?" 

They both laugh when they see they are talking over each other. He gestures for her to go on. They have meet up for lunch.

"Keith, I ahhh was wondering?"

"Yes?"

"Nevermind. It isn't important."

"If it is on your mind, it is important. Please what?"

She sighs and twirls the straw around in her glass before looking up. "Well I was wondering if last night when you dropped me off." He waits on the edge of his seat. Was she thinking the same thing he had been? "Well if you wanted to kiss me. Because I wouldn't have minded it. I kinda," she drops her face again," wanted you too. But, if you want to stay just friends that is okay too. I don't want to push or anything." Her head is still down and she is talking a mile a minute.

"Carri can you look at me?" She looks up with reluctance but relaxes when she sees the look on his face. "I was going to ask you the same. I wanted to kiss you goodnight but didn't want to presume or push.

"Oh well this is good. Ah what now? Are we dating? I am afraid I don't know the rules. Had a boyfriend for a bit after high school. But it only lasted a few months and nothing sense."

"I think that is a good thing. I have had a few minor relationships. But also not in a while. So we are both kinda new to this. Can I hold your hand?"

She reaches for him with a smile. His hand is warm in his. It feels comfortable and safe. He locks their hands together and asks," Do you want to be mt girlfriend, Carri? I can offer you movies on the couch, bad dancing, middle of the night calls due to bad dreams, and good night kisses."

"And lunches?"

" Yes and lunches at work and off too."

"Well who can turn that down. I can offer comfort and a listening ear, conversations with friends and with just us, a hand to hold and lips to kiss goodnight."

"I would say that makes it official. We are dating."

"Yes. Will you escort me home. I would like another shot at that kiss."

"With pleasure ma'am."


	8. First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet first kiss.

Keith takes Carri's hand After all, they are girlfriend and boyfriend now. The thought sends thrills of both anticipation, excitement, and a healthy dose of fear through him. By the way her pulse pounds under his hand, she feels the same.

Boyfriend! This wasn't her intention when she went to his house. She went as a friend. But, she can't say she is unhappy with how things turned out. Approaching thirty she may be but she hasn't had a boyfriend in close to six years. Six years since she had been kissed! Wow. And what if she messes up? If it is to sloppy or dry? Oh, maybe they shouldn't be doing this.

"Keith."

"Yes?"

"Are you as scared as I am?" It wasn't what she meant to say but scared as she was, she wanted this.

"I am truly terrified and glad I am not alone."

"What if we mess it up?"

"Well then, practice makes perfect. Look Carrie, I am in this for the long haul. I don't want just a casual thing. I have waited to long for you," they have reached her door and he takes her other hand," so if we mess it up, bump noses or something, well, then it will be better next time."

"That makes me feel better."

"Good," he thinks of asking her if she is ready, but they are both so nervous. He just tightens his hands over her and lowers his head. She raises up to meet him. It is a kiss of extreme gentle attentiveness. They don't bump heads or noses. She moves with him. He keeps their hands grasped between them allowing them both the space to feel comfortable. No teeth or tongues are used. Just the sweetness of lips pressed together.

"Oh." She whispers when he pulls away.

"Yah, that wasn't half bad."

"No, it was very nice. I--ah well I should go in."

"Yes. Lunch tomorrow? I will save our table."

"A date."

"A date." He releases her hands and she turns to walk in. She then turns back around and reaches up and quickly presses her lips to his. He kisses her back for a secound before she drops back down.

"Thank you for two wonderful good night kisses."

"You are welcome. Thank you."

"Good night Keith."

"Good night Carri."


	9. Making Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit NSFW

They date. Real dates like going out to the movies, to dinner, and a concert in the park. And lunch at work everyday where they eat with one hand, holding hands with the other. They talk. Not just about their pasts but their dreams of the future.

"I want a family. And, it doesn't have to be just a wife a biological children. I want to foster and adopt too. Build a family from kids like I used to be." He confesses one day. They are at her house, at her kitchen table. He holds her hand and strokes her palm idly with his thumb. His confession made her smile. She was raised by a single mom and craved a big chaitic family like she saw depicted on TV.

"I love that thought. I have always wanted a UN family."

He grins from ear to ear. "A UN family. Oh I love that description. Come here Carri. I want to hold you in my lap."

"I--ah don't think these old chairs will support both of us." And she feels unsure, battling a need for increasing intimacy with him and a fear of the unknown. Of messing it up.

"Then can we go in the living room. I promise to help with the dishes later."

"Later?" Her voice is weakened by desire and fear.

"Carri, I won't--nothing you don't want. I just want to hold you."

"Okay. To the living room." She is still scared. A twenty-nine year old virgin. But, she doesn't want to remain so and he is her future. The only one she wants to change that status.

He takes a seat and opens his arms. She seats gingerly on his knee and he pulls her flush against his chest. "You will not hurt me." He says brushing her hair of her shoulder and just resting his head there. She relaxes. They have kissed, quite a bit in the month since their first. But still closed mouth. Long kisses that leave her wanting but she has yet to taste his tongue. She decides to change that.

She wraps his arms more fully around her waist. No rush and she is enjoying the closeness. "You do want biological children, though?" 

"Hmmm, I do. At least one. Is it selfish to want someone to be genetically related to me?"

"Not at all. I completely understand. I've only my mom. I want a child that looks like me and my husband "

"Hmmn, " he is nuzzling her ear. She feels a bit weak and rests her head further against him. "With your sweet ears?" He whispers just before he kisses her earlobe.

"Carri I--oh God. I have wanted. I wasn't sure.."

"I do want. Please." She lifts her head seeking his mouth. He meets her and she feels his breath right before she feels his tongue against her teeth. She opens and just touches her tongue to his. She hears him groan or was that her? Ot both. Their tongues dance as her hand smooth over his. He links them and she wiggles needing his hands a few inches higher.

He tightens his hand on hers and deepens the kiss. She wants his hands and then lips on her breasts. But doesn't know how to ask. The uncertainty paralysis her. He feels the difference in her response and breaks the kiss.

"I am so sorry Carri did I go to fast? I thought."

"No. I wanted that. I want more of that. It is just--"

"Yes?"

"I don't know how to say. What is wrong with me? I am almost thirty. I should be able to say what.."

"If you can't tell me, show me. It is okay Carri. I have wanted to kiss you like that for awhile and was unable to tell you."

"Can you," she shakes her head," no, will you touch me here?" She takes one of his hands and directs it over her breast.

"Yes Carri. But you must let me know if I am going to far. Please."

"A deal. Kiss me. Touch me. I need you so bad."

And he growls before his hand drifts down to her breast and his lips back to hers. Oh was she soft and firm. He just cups her at first until he feels her nipple. Christ, her nipple, against his palm. He moves his thumb over it and Carri groans into his mouth. So he continues to stroke it as he strokes her tongue. He is very aroused and knows she feels it against her leg. 

He breaks off the kiss and kisses down her neck as his other hand finds her other breast. He rubs her nipples and sucks and kisses her neck.

"Yes, oh yes Keith." Her hands go to pull up her shirt and he stops her.

"No Carri. We can't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and why not?


	10. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW  
> First time love making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to ladymeraud. Or Shari on Tumblr how found the two missing chapters that made up this one. Ya' rock!😀😀

"But, I know you, ahhh don't you?" She thought so. Sitting on his lap made his situation, obvious. She is confused and a bit hurt. Was it her?

"No, I do. I really do. It is just."

"Yes?"

"You will think me a freak."

"No, please Keith, just tell me."

"I haven't. That is to say, I am a virgin." The skin of his neck turns hot under her cheek. And she laughs. 

"It isn't funny." 

"No it isn't. It is ironic. Of all the things we have talked about, we completely skipped this. You and I are virgins."

"You are too? That is kinda funny."

"Very. So don't worry Keith. We are both learning." She turns so she is straddling him and runs her fingers up his chest. She feels his skin pepple under her touch. 

"You want, I don't want to push, I mean; I have went this long."

"So have I. And yes, I want. I love you Keith. I ache for you. Will you help fix that?"

"Wait," he stills her hands so he can think. "You love me? Really love me."

"Yes, I really love you. I didn't expect it. When I came over to talk. Friends but, no, you got in. And I do love you."

"It is the first time Carri. I have no memory of anyone ever saying those words to me. The main reason I am still inexperienced. I never just wanted sex. A heart not just body connection. Oh, I love you too by the way. A whole lot. But was afraid."

"Of what?" 

"Of never being able to say it. Because, I, trusting another human being when you are raised by strangers paid to care for you. Never hearing any words of real love. If I told you and you just, I couldn't."

"Shh Keith, I understand. I have wanted to tell you but didn't want to overwhelm you. And, if you don't want to right now, it is okay."

"I do want you Carri. Can't you tell?" She can. He presses against her. "I, you are right. It is hard to talk about."

"No pun intended." She giggles.

"Right. I want to make love to you. I do. If it is what you want.".

In answer, she pulls away enough to pull her shirt off. She isn't wearing a bra.

"Oh," he whispers," yes then?"

"Yes. I am scared too. But, I do trust you Keith. With my body and heart. And you can trust me too."

She takes his shaking hand and places it on her breast.   
"Oh Carri, you are so soft." He runs his hand all around her. She sighs when he reaches her nipple. She pulls at his shirt wanting to feel his skin. He drops his hand just long enough to pull it up and off. Her hand traces his ribs before working around to his springy chest hair. His hands explore the soft curves of her chest.

"Carri, I need.."

"Me too." She wiggles against his hard penis. It doesn't help with the increasing desperation he feels. But, he knows he must go slow. It is her first time too. "Keith please. Will you?" 

"What do you need baby?"

"Your mouth on my breasts." It is said in a whisper. 

He bends his head and draws her nipple in. His tongue licks.

"Yes, that, ahhhhh!" Her hand fists in his hair with the other holding tight to his shoulder. His hands hold her in place. One on her back while the other holds her breast up. He has no idea what he is doing but as long as she is making those noises, he figures he is doing right. He licks on both until she pulls his head up desperate for a kiss. 

"Do---do you want to go in your room?" He asked when he must come up for a breath.

"Yes." She carefully slips off him, well aware of his erection. She takes his hand and leads him to her room. He is suddenly shy. What now. He knows the mechanics but.

"We can finish getting un-dressed." She suggests.

"Right. Ahhh Carri, do you have, ah, I mean we didn't plan this. I don't want ahh."

"I did plan this. I mean, I hoped. So yes, I have." She blushes a bit as she walks to her bedside table and picks up a box of condoms. "Is this what you were asking about?"

"Trying too. You planned, wow."

"I hoped." She drops the box on the bed and unsnaps her jeans. She shimmys out of them while saying," That is why I didn't wear a bra. Less to fuss with."

"Oh." He is paralyzed by the sight of her in just her panties. She walks over with new confidence and unbuttons his jeans. He groans when she slips her hands under his waistband and slips them down. He kicks them off and pulls her against him. He takes her lips in a bruising kiss.

They stumble towards the bed and on to it. He lays her down and kisses his way down her body. When he reaches her belly, they are both trempling.

"May I Carri?" He asks, his fingers on the top of her panties."

"Please, I need you so bad." He seconds that. His penis has a pulse. A racing one. He slips them down and off. And then takes his off. His hand shakes as he reaches out to touch her. She is wet warm silkness under his hand. He groans at the feel of her and the feel of her hand on him. He knows he has to be inside her, and soon before she makes him cum. He is on the razors edge. He picks up the condom box and opens it with one hand. His other is exploring her.

"Keith, ohhh don't stop!"

Was she? It was enough to distract from his own need. He drops the box and places his hand on her breast. He thumbs her nipple as he continues to move his other hand. She groans and presses up, moving her hips. 

"Oh yes! Yes! Keeeeiiittthhh!" 

It is to much and he pulls a condom out. He opens it with unsteady fingers and slips it on himself, remembering to leave room at the tip.

"Now baby?" 

"Huh, oh yes." He takes himself in hand and guides between her legs. As soon as his tip touches her, she lifts up allowing him to slide in until he reaches the barrier.

"Please, it is okay. I want to feel all of you." He pushes home.

There is nothing like the feel of him deep inside her. She clings to him and closes her eyes when he tears the barrier. The pain is sharp but brief. He is still after allowing them both time to adjust.

"Are you okay, Carrie?" He had felt her cringe.

"I am now. It is okay Keith. You can move." She arches her hips up, pulling him deeper into her.

"Ohhh." He wants to move. The powerful force controlling him, urges him to. But, he fears he will cum with the first thrust. He has never felt so on edge. On the brink.

"Please." She moans, arching up again. She needs to cum too. And, he knows, he needs to help her. So, he starts to move slow. The friction is enormous. Overwhelming. He shudders as he strains to keep himself under control. To see to her first.

"Carrie I...how can I help?"

"What?" They both are strained, talking barely above a whisper..

"To cum. I am...," he gasps as he feels his testes tighten," very close."

"I don't know."

Right. They are both new to this. He drops his head and kisses her. And then drops it farther and licks her nipple. Christ. He meant to help her. But the taste of her. He can't hold out. With a deep groan, and a deeper thrust, he climaxes.

"I am so sorry Carri." He says when he can draw breathe to breath again.

"It is okay. Both our first time."

"But I should have."

She inturpts him with a kiss. "You tried."

"Were you close?"

"Yes." And he hears it in her voice, the frustration. Well, he isn't leaving her with the female equivalent of blue balls. He skims her nipples with his hands. She sighs.

"Very nice baby." 

"Oh yes, there. Harder." He suckles for a while. But, he has another idea. He isn't sure how to go about it but.. He kisses down her belly. She is panting hard and when he reaches her lower abdomen, she grabs his hair.

"You don't have to."

"I want too. Please trust me Carrie."

She releases him and he continues down. He kisses her thighs, first the tops, then gently opens her legs and kisses the inside. He then plants a kiss right in the center of her womanhood. 

"Ohhhh Keith."

"Is it.. Does it feel good?"

"Yes. I feel all tingly and just really expectant."

"Well, let me meet your expectations." With new confidence, he parts her outer lips with his hand. He studies her. She is all pink, glistening flesh. All, quivering expectant, so ready. He groans and places his tongue in the middle. He licks down and then up. Her hand comes back down, this time holding him in place. He grows bolder and adds his finger, placing it in her. 

"Ohhh Keith. Higher." She moves him up and he feels her clit. Come on kid, he tells himself, that is where you should have been all along. He licks around it as his finger moves in and out. Her groans get louder so he stops licking and starts sucking.

"Ohhhhhh gawd Yesssssss Keithhh!" He feels the muscles around his finger contract and her clit grow, did it really grow? In his mouth. He had done it. He grins as he pulls away and sees he is right. Her clit has grown. Moved up and got firmer. He strokes the exposed nub and Carrie shakes.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know it would hurt you." He quickly moves his hand.

"Not hurt. I came again. Come here Keith. I want to taste myself on you."

He kisses her.

"I didn't know what I was doing." He confesses.

"Well, you couldn't tell it. Sexual beginners luck."

"You too. I have never..I didn't expect it would be so..overwhelming."

"Making love. That is the key, I think. Love not nust sex."

"Yes. I want to both sleep and do it again."

"Sleep so you will have the energy to do it again." She suggests.

"Smart lady. Come I want to feel you close to me." She happliy curles against him and they drift off.


	11. Afterglow/ A Real Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Carri return to work.

They walk into work Monday holding hands. They have spend the weekend in bed. And gotten better. They didn't want to leave to come back to work.

"Woo, did you two have a long weekend?" Charlie comments as they enter the break room to clock in.

"Why?" Keith wonders if it shows? If his face and Carri's announces that they have spent the last two days making love.

"You both have dark circles under your eyes and," he steps closer," y'all had sex, didn't cha'?"

"How did you know?" Carri inquires. She is blushing and her hand tightens in his.

"It is written all over your face. Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Some." Keith tensely says. He doesn't want what is between Carri and him being the factory joke," listen Charlie, this isn't some fling. We love each other. This is a relationship. A serious one. So, if you could.."

"Oh, no problem buddy. I hear you. It is good to find 'the one'. I am still looking."

The bell rings calling them all to their posts. Keith bends and kisses Carri. They rub noses which causes an 'ahhh' from Charlie and the other stragglers. "I love you. See you at lunch."

"So, you and."

"No, we are off again. She wants the whole shebang. A ring, a house, a kid. I just ain't ready for all that." They talk as they wait for their machine to be started up.

"How old are you Charlie?"

"Thirty-eight."

"Don't you think you should be ready? I wasted nine years because I wasn't. If I hadn't woken up and realized that the dash is mighty small."

"What dash?"

"The time between your date of birth and date of death. It is short man. I don't want you looking up one day and regretting not living. Life is a risk man."

"I hear ya'. You are happy with Carri and want everyone else to be too."

"And what is wrong with that?"

"Nothing. It is just, I ain't you man. I am not sure what I want."

"Find out and then go for it."


	12. Is he?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A stranger arrives. Is he related to Keith?

The man first showed up at the factory. At the office after him. Company policy forbids them giving him any information. But, his manager feels prudent to warn him. After all, it has been nine years and not a soul had been here asking after him.

"What did he want? Did he say?" A concerned Keith asks. Charlie also looks worried.

"He didn't. Just asked if you worked here. Helen told him it was company policy not to give out that information. And then she came to tell me."

"Thank you for telling me." 

"Of course. If he returns, we will tell you."

"Thanks." He replies absently. His mind is going a thousand miles a second. How in the world could be looking for him? An old foster brother or father. A friend from school, not that he had many from those years. And none he could see coming and searching him out after twelve years. None of his old foster families either, for that matter. Now the Smith's, but they are all gone. Taken in the fire. So who could it be?

"Do you know who it is?" Charlie asks as he grabs the newly made coolers falling out of the machine and places them in a box. Keith tapes it, slaps a label on it , and places it on the metal track and pushes it toward shipping as he thinks.

"No. Not a clue."

"A relative?"

"I...ahhh...Carri is the only one who knows this so please keep it to yourself but...I was a foster child. Aged out of the system. The only relative I have, that I know, is my alcoholic mom. And I haven't seen her in twenty-five years."

"Christ Keith. That is rough. Sorry buddy. So, no guys. Hmmm." He thinks as they load nine more boxes. While they wait for the next load, Charlie says, "Maybe it is a relative. You know, someone who has tracked you down from on of those ancestry things."

"Maybe. It is strange, whoever it is."

********************************************************

Keith walks out a few minutes after Carri. He stopped by the office to talk to the secretary, Helen, and get a description of his mystery visitor. It didn't help. He knows no one who it matches. He walks out to find Carri confronted by the mystery man himself.

"I can't say." She is saying.

"Come on. I saw you leave the factory. You know if he works there."

"I can't.."

"I am Keith. Leave my girlfriend alone." He places himself between them. "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Your girlfriend. Nice. I wouldn't hurt her. I didn't mean to scare her. Was just desperate to find you."

"You have. Now, I ask again. Who are you and what do want?"

"I am your.."

To be continued


	13. ID aka Who is the mystery man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is the mystery man? What info does he have?

"I am your brother. Your birth brother. Kenneth." He holds out his hand and Keith just looks at it.

"I don't have a brother." Carri steps up and takes his hand. He squeezes it in acknowledgement as he keeps his eye on the stranger.

"You do. I know that you didn't know about me. She told me how you were taken before my birth."

"She? My mother?"

"Yes, and that is why I had to track you down. Can we go somewhere private to talk?" They are attracting the attention of those both leaving and coming into work.

"There is a cafe' around the corner. We can walk there." No way this stranger would know where he or Carri lived nor what they drove.

"Sounds perfect."

"Now, do you have any prove to what you are saying? About being my brother?" They are settled in one of the booths, he and Carri on one side. Kenneth on the other. Coffee has been ordered.

"You can't see the resemblance?" Carri can. It is in subtle things. Kenneth's hair is darker and straighter. His eyes are brown. But, they have the same nose, the same shape to their lips. But, she stays quiet knowing this was between the two men. Keith shrugs.

"Okay. Our mother's name is Deborah Jenkins. You were born in NY but mom moved soon after. She was a drunk, a bad one. She keep messing up but, the final straw was leaving you in a store when you was three. That is when you entered foster care. After, and this you may not know, our mother went back to NY. She couldn't handle it. So, she bailed. Started partying to forget. That is when she meet my father, whoever he was. When she discovered she was pregnant, it sobered her. She went into treatment, got clean, and had me."

"And, let me guess, forgot all about her first born." Keith says with a tone of disgust.

"No, she tried to find you. She contacted the last case worker she had and she had retired. The ones who had taken her cases, more then one, searched for a Keith Jenkins, but of course your name had been changed. And mom's parental rights long terminated, so they didn't search long."

"The Smith's were going to adopt ne, but.." He trails off and looks at his brother. For their was no doubt he was who he said. The records were sealed. He could only have that info from their mom. And, he sees what Carri already had. The similarities. "I believe you. Why now? After all this time. Why chase me down now?"

"Our mother is dying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! What will Keith do?


	14. Their Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is wrong with the boy's mom and how will Keith respond.

"What?" The shocks have him reeling. A unknown brother. News of his lost mother and now this.

"Sorry. There was no easy way to say it."

"What...what is wrong with her?"

"The alcohol."

"But she..stopped. Didn't she?"

"For awhile. A long while. I was in high school when I noticed it. Her sneaking it. Water, or what I thought were water bottles, that when I took drinks out of.."

"Vodka?"

"Yes. And beers hid under her bed. Stuff like that. I managed to graduate and she showed up drunk to it."

"So sorry." Carri says.

"Thanks. Could have been worse. I was mostly grown. Unlike my brother."

"So, her liver?"

"Yah. It is gone. She is yellow. Pure yellow. Even her eyes. It is...hard to see my mom like that. Very hard. When she came to the understanding she was.dying, she only asked for one thing."

"Me."

"Yah bro. She asked me to find you. She wants to see you once before she dies."

"How long?" Keith's voice seems steady but Carri hears the tremple in it. Carri leans against him given him all the support she can. 

"It is a matter of weeks now. Hospice has been called in. Christ! I am only twenty-two and will be an orphan. Jesus!" Both Keith and Carri reach for him.

"You will have me. We will have each other." Keith promises.

"Thanks. Truly thank you. Will you come?"

"I will. Where is she?" He names a town just a few hours away. "She, you both have been this close all this time." He shakes his head and sighs deeply. "Would you join Carri and I at my house while I make preparations."

"Yah. Thank you."


	15. Heading Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith meets his dying mom.

They head out the next morning. Thry had asked for and received a week off. Their boss sent thwm off with his prayers and instructions to let him know if they need more time. He sure can use the prayers. To find out in twenty-four hours, that he has a brother and that his long-lost mom is dying, is a lot to take in.

He is so glad to have Carri by his side. He had tried to get her to stay.

"It may be hard." They talk in his room after Kenneth had went to sleep.

"It will be hard. Which is why I most come. I will not let my love face this alone."

He is so glad she insisted. As the car eats up the miles between his present and his past, he is comforted by her hand firmly held in his. And he didn't think he could love her more.

"We are close. Just a few more miles. I wanted to warn you. When I said she was yellow it wasn't a figure of speech. She is as yellow as a dandelion. And has lost half her body weight. She looks like a concentration camp surviver. A walking skeleton. Not that sge is walking. Bedridden she is, completely bedridden. She has an IV but the needle sticks mostly out of her wasted arm. She drifts in and out of consciousness. Her hair is still the only thing that looks like her."

"Is it still brown and curly like mine?" A subdued Keith asks.

"It is. It is why I knew you right away. I just wanted you prepared."

The pull up in front of a small green house with a wooden front door. It has an air about it. As if it knew it's inhabitant was dying. It is in the slightly overgrown lawn. In the dead heads on some of the flowers. In the unswept walk. They get out and Kenneth leads them in.

"Marjorie, how is she?"

"She is having a good day. Did you find him? She keeps asking."

"I did." Marjorie enters the small living room. She is a nurse by her dress," meet my brother Keith and his girlfriend Carri. Guys, my mom's favorite nurse, Marjorie."

"Nice to meet you. She really wants to see you."

"Where is she?"

"This way. Has Ken warned you?"

"Yes. We know what to expect." But he is wrong. You can never be ready. She is tiny and frail. A living skeleton, as Ken said. The hospital bed that she lies in is small but still envelopes her. He approaches on wooden legs.

"Hi mom." He gets out through the lump in his throat.

"Keith? Is that you?" Her eyes struggle to focus on him.

"It is. My brother found me."

"You are all grown. I never pictured you....all grown."

"Mom, meet my lady Carri."

"Carri. Hello."

"Miss Jenkins." Carri reaches and out and takes her cold bony hand.

"Call me Deb hon. Keith, I am so sorry. I tried after.."

"I know mom. Ken told me."

"Did they treat you right? Your adoptive parents?"

"I was never actually adopted. I was going to be but..It was okay. My childhood."

"Okay...my fault. That your childhood wasn't.." She trails off.

"It doesn't matter now mom. Don't leave with regret." He finds the strength to say. He takes her hands betweens his and tries to gently rub some warmth into them. 

"You forgive me?"

"I did a long time ago. For me first and then for you. I never expected to see you again. So glad I have this time before.."

"Me too son. I prayed Ken could..and that you would come."

"I am here mom. Rest. I will be here when you wake.

"You are a good boy Keith." And she sounds so much like she does in his memory that all he can do is weep. He holds her hands as she sleeps. And Carri holds him.


	16. Deborah Goes Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very angsty guys. Deborah dies and her sons respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. Deals with the death of Keith's mom.

"It will not be long. I truly think she was waiting for you." Dr Ferguson, the hospice doctor tells Keith and Kenneth the next day. She had arrived at 8 that morning for an exam.

"How..I am..I don't..what will...how will she..?" Keith stumbles out between his growing tears. Carri holds him on one side and Kenneth clings to the other.

"She will not be in pain. We will increase her morphin to ensure that. Her breathing and heartrate will start to get labored. She will draw a breath and then.."

"And then no more." Kenneth finishes. He is shaken but just a little less then Keith. He had more time to prepare.

"Yes. I will be here but will give you the privacy you need. I will go increase her morphin now." She pats all their shoulders and walks back into the next room.

"I just. I just got her back. She can't leave yet." Keith cries out in anguish. Carri wraps her arms around him. Ken wraps them both up and they all weep together.

"You can go sit by her now." Dr Ferguson says as she walks back into the room. The walk in together. Carri isn't sure this is her place but her place is by Keith. He slips in a seat beside his mom and takes her hand in his. Ken does the same on the other side. 

"My boys." Her voice is just a whisper and they have to move closer to hear her. "I am so proud. .of you both. Don't," she stops to catch her breath," don't grief to hard for me. This life has been hard and I...will not grief it's end. I will grief not seeing your children. Don't do.. " again a deeply drawn breath," what I did. Live your lives free of any addiction. Love your children and their mom's," she lifts her eyes to include Carri." She is a good one son...to be..here. Don't let..her ..go. I don't have much to leave..you. I..didn't..do..much..for ..you..before..now. But..there..is..a ring. Was..my ..mom's..You..should..have...it..for..when..you..ask..her. Don't..delay..son.. Life is..so..short." She stops dor a moment taken several breathes. Her deep breath barely raises her skeletal chest. "Ken, you...were..my ..salvation..for...awhile...Don't blame..yourself..for ...me ...fallen..off..the ...wagon..The ..addiction..was ..bigger.than ..both ..of ..us. Be happy. Son, ...be happy. This house.. Isn't much but...it is your's. If..you want..it. Find your own..Carri. Have..a ...ton..of babies. Tell..them..of me..if you..want." She trails off her breathing still labored. 

"I forgive you mom. And will tell our children about you. We plan to adopt and foster as well as have at least one of our own." Keith talks in a hurry afraid she will slip away before he is finished.

"So proud son." She gasps out.

"I will too mom. My childhood wasn't all bad. Remember the hours we spent playing cards. We talked about everything." Ken says through his sobs.

"I do. You..were...such..a quick..learner." 

"I love you mom." Keith says through his own tears. He is surprised that he really does. That forgiveness had freed him to love her.

"I..love..you..son..You..never..left..my..mind."

"I love you mom. I will do as you always taught me."

"Soldier on...I ...love..you..son...Get. .to ..know..your..brother..and ...his ..lady."

"I will."

"Carri," she looks up surprised at being directly addressed," take..care..of...my..Keith..I..know..you..are..a..good one..because..he ...loves..you."

"I will. I promise." She wipes her own tears away.

"I will..see..you..on..the..other..side..boys. " she breathes. And another raged breath. And then, nothing. Ken wails out 'mom!' And Dr Ferguson comes in. She moves them out of the way and confirms what they all know. She has went home. She silently marks down the time on her chart. And the boys break down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to all the wonderful Hospice workers out there who make it possible for families to be together at the end. Y'all rock.


	17. I Don't Know!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Kenneth plan their mom's memorial service.

"I don't know!" Keith is in anguish. He and Kenneth are meeting with the funeral director to plan their mom's service. As the oldest, Mr Harbin, the funeral director, directs most of his questions to him. And he doesn't know. He doesn't know if his mom would want flowers or donations to her favorite charity. Doesn't know even what her favorite charity was. What religion she practiced, if she practiced any at all. The only thing he was able to tell the man is that she wanted cremated and that he and Kenneth are the only survivors.

"Our mom would want a simple service with donations to the local Celebrate Recovery groups. We can have no religious affiliation. A simple viewing is really all that is required." Kenneth told the man.

"Is that alright with you sir?" He asks Keith.

"My brother knew her and her wishes alot better. Yes, that is fine."

"Okay, I will let you know when she is ready. Once again, I am sorry for your loss."

"Thank you." Kenneth takes him to the door and Carri, who had been waiting in the next room, comes in to join Keith. He looks up at her with haunted eyes.

"I don't know Carri. I have no idea if we are doing right by her. My own mom and I can't answer basic questions about her preferences. Ken is just barely an adult and I had to lay the burden on his shoulders." Tears run, unheeded down his face. She draws him into her arms and rocks him while he weeps. She doesn't offer words. What can she say? But, her arms, tight around him, her hands stroking his hair, her own tears mixing with his, lets him know that he isn't alone. That she understands. When he lays shuddering and hiccuping against her she says,

"When all her affairs are settled, let's bring Ken home with us for awhile. You need a chance to get to know your brother and he you, and you can get to know your mom through him."

"Thank you Carri. I would love that. I can't see past this grief to the future. I am so glad you are here and can."

"You know what I see, I see lot's of holidays with the three of us. I see our children and his playing together. Lot's of girl's nights with me and his gf/ wife. I see a family."

"Oh Carri. What did I do to deserve you?" He nuzzles her neck and she says the same.

A week later they all three head home.


End file.
